Cry me a river


/crybaby on

Well, actually, I`m feeling like shit. I mean, I`m 24, in process of getting my degree in psychoanalysis(already have one as engineer lol, who the fuck needs engineers in 3-rd world countries anymore), and my office job earns me fucking 200$(year ago it was 600$ and it was okay pretty much, but now it is fucking 200 cuz of political\financial\whatever can`t-predict-can`t avoid-events happened in Ukraine). And I was like - no fucking way im gonna work for 200$, its humiliating, I have brains and all that, I can learn incredibly fast, I can understand difficult and complex theories, I feel like I`m wasting my brain potential and my time doing nothing, and accomplishing nothing. So i decided to give some effort in things that could effectively exchange my efforts and time into success. Like poker, yeah. I was playing poker earlier, but cant say I spent a lot of time learning. Some breakeven sng-ing. After a while, 6max hypers conquered my heart, and i started my quest for information. I honestly can say i found every piece of information about low-stakes hypers avaliable in internet, bought ICMizer, and was ready for battle. How hard can it be, really, every hyper-pro said people on low stakes are incredibly bad, and they really are, so whats the problem? Just play your volume and conquer the limits! Yeah. How about little FUCK YOU YOUNG PADAWAN. I learned about ICM model in hypers, i keep analyzing my hands in ICMizer, i keep analyzing WHOLE TOURNEY histories in ICMizer, i am getting little better(hopefully), and i am fucking BREAKEVEN after 1600 tourneys at lowest stake possible. Worst thing is, my green line is ABOVE the yellow one, i cant even blame downswing or variance or some shit, i just have to admit that having all the information i can get, i cant beat low stakes hypers. I even watched ILS007`s course for 1.5 hypers(thanks for all the efforts you put in it btw), to assure myself im not missing something important, something i`m doing REALLY wrong. Nope. And among all that i read blogs of people who actually climbed the nanolimits, and are successfull grinders, and im JEALOUS AS FUCK, cuz i think of myself as a passionate and intelligent person(well, who isnt, lol), who really can conquer the world with hard work. And things are, some people can do it(some have poker friends, who teach them, some just make those friends cuz they are very social, some just get a bit lucky at start, some are just working their asses off), and I CANT. Worst thing is, i dont know why. Thats why im feeling like deepshit. Also my 15-year dog is sick and possibly gets to die in future weeks, cuz he`s old and his heart is probably shutting down. And i never lost someone bigger than a hamster so watching your pet`s sickness is also quite depressing.

/crybaby off

Thats a fucking huge wall of text I managed to produce, meh. Well, just had to put it somewhere, feeling slightly better now.

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