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Another checkpoint on the road

Some random ventilation about things I currently have on my mind.

I really love poker, sometimes when I run bad, its harder but all in all I love the game...It basically created and still creating huge part of me, everyday when I play It pushes me to the limits, especially mentally...and for me its fcking hard...I was always the type of guy who likes some kind of certainty, dont like the changes, the risks...but I find out, that this mindset is brutally bad if I want to achieve big things so I started to push myself, do things which I hated, which I feared...I hated every fcking minute of playing higher stakes than I was used to...It was so brutal that I remeber one session when my mouse hand was shaking :D...but each time I sat down and pushed myself, the fear, doubts and other shit starts slowly dissapearing and I started to feel more comfortable and certain.
Also remembering some of my first swings...headaches, totally tired, shitty feeling in my belly (not because I was hungry :D) did not want to do anything, feared of playing again, questioning my game, even thinking about if i am actually winning player :D

But I did not give up...played again...got up, fell down...won, lost....and eventually I get used to it to some point and I need to keep going and get used to it again on higher stakes under bigger pressure against better players. 

The only thing I need to do is the same thing I have been doing since I started playing...just get out there and do the best I can do...its ok if I have doubts, fears...but its not ok If I let these shitty emotions to stop me.

Its not that hard...I just need to force myself to study and play...everybody can play/study when they want to, in fact that doesnt count since everybody does that...it counts only when I dont want to study or play, because in that moment its probable that my competition also dont want to.

+one more thing, since I started to play mainly 30s and some 60s +15s 18m when not enough tables, its absolutely certain that the swings will be bigger, and the days when I loose huge amount will come as the days when I win big amounts...so I need to get ready for this and from now on develop more professional attitude - I started to check my cashier more frequently, which I dislike a lot - thats the reason I am less certain right now actually so definetely not checking cashier - max 2times/4weeks -  and get used to 60s - I feel like I can learn a lot playing these stakes, it will push me to study more, since I hate loosing + feeling I could do some more, plus some additional mental game pressure will be also really nice tool to get better.

So I am looking forward to Prague, get fresh mind and join again the bumpy road to the Mt. Olympus :D

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