Screwing Around Malta

 photo Scarmaker: Constantly doing lameass jokes on poker. Subscribe if you like jokes.. or llamas... or asses for that matter. Studying psychology, playin' pool n crushin!
Last week, I lost two virginities. None of them were the one I hoped to lose the most.

First - This was the very first time I actually shipped an entire live package. The closest I was before was in 2011, when it was coincidentally a Malta package too, that I bubbled. Now, I know that winning one package in the course of 7 years seems like it reflects my skill level just about right, however, this was mostly due to lack of trying. Really.

Second - I've never travelled abroad alone before. Going back to the virginity stuff, I do most of the things alone anyway, so it frankly did not feel any special. I prolly could get someone to go with me if I REALLY wanted to, but except for literally a couple of people (and Loff), I prefer having the room for myself.

Just like the creators of Two and a Half Men, I am probably not going to be able to keep this very entertaining. My entire week on Malta consisted of pretty much only three activities - poker, snooker and taking walks. They had a lovely snooker club in the town of Buggiba and for quite some time now, playing pool/snooker has been the only activity in my life that I am capable of completely diving into for hours without thinking about anything else. And so indeed, I kept playing throughout pretty much every day, heading to St. Julians' Portomaso Casino in the evenings.

The local buses were fun. If the schedule said that one's gonna come at 11:10 with the next arriving at 11:40, the bus showed up ANYTIME in between. And just like your piss bottle during a massive final table, you had to be fortunate enough for it to not be full.

Snooker went much better than poker. Despite a pretty deep structure, I wasn't able to survive even Day 1 of the €1,100 Grand Live ME I quallied for. I was moved around the tables a lot during the very first level and so I got to get a feel of what the players were like. Majority of the field were qualifiers as well, with some definitely freerolling into the event. There was a Finnish guy who was so clueless, he wasn't able to even limp without somehow screwing it up (he tried to get in for 25 with 25/50 blinds and similiar stuff).


Some qualifier guy, Calleen Ann-Ross and Scarmaker.


I even got to meet a TiltBooker! A guy sitting next to me at one of my first-level tables asked me if I have TiltBook account. He said he recognized my face. Of course he did. I did not recognize him or his account though, it was ve- or we- something. I think it might be this guy, but I am not sure.

Anyway, I was eventually seated at the table 8 after the first level and for most of the day, it was all going pretty well. The villains weren't bad overall, but I was confident I can definitely hold my own against my table mates. These included a certain Belgain Calleen Ann-Roos, who was a lovely lady, but more importantly, a pretty big Calleen station.

I was playing an over-average 100 bb stack going into 200/400 level when it all went wrong. I ran QQ into AA, had an overpair outdrawn by the river and eventually lost a classic pre-flop flip. Not much to it. The ticket I got for the 100€ Side Event went out of the window pretty quickly as well.

The 1€/2€ cash was pretty deep with lots of straddles as well, but being mostly card dead, there wasn't much for me happening there either. My performance included such brilliant plays as opening to 18€ pre-flop and mucking my cards after not noticing I got a caller. Nevertheless, It all turned around in the very last session though, when I got into an absolute dream of a situation holding the nuts on a AKT flop and facing three all-ins, each one for at least hundred blinds.

My nuts did hold and although I had to split with another similarly fortunate gentleman, it massively helped me to end my cash game ventures with at least a 200€ profit, covering most of my Malta expenses. And I even got to visit the Cat Village!


  • 23194 users
  • 32 supernova Elites
  • And players who actually win pre-rakeback
  • They all share their poker lives on TiltBook
Make A +EV Decision Now
Contact: support@tiltbook.com