Why I Suck At Poker
I've posted about my TILT issues before, and I've tried to address them but without any significant success. In fact, I feel I have gotten much worse as a player because of my failure to improve this issue. In truth, my game is at an all-time low. I can't even play poker for 30 minutes without ending up in a seething rage when something inevitably goes wrong. I keep losing. And losing. And losing.
I want to explore what makes me so bad at poker. I want to heaar your thoughts.
I always start a session with great intentions. I'm going to remain calm, I tell myself. Play without emotion, just make the correct decisions and the money will come. But then a beat comes and BANG, poker rage. And then I am consumed by aggression against anyone who plays back at me, or has beaten me. When I come out of this haze, I'm usually down somewhere between 3 and 15 buy ins.
I believe that I have major insecurities as a person and that this manifests itself in my poker. You see, when another player picks on me, or when he sucks out on me, I HATE that player. I completely focus on him. I could be playing on 9 tables and making dozens of decisions per minute. But I will be focussed on the players that 'wronged me'. I want to hurt them like they hurt me. I'll call their raise w 92o simply hoping to hit an A92 flop and hope they have AK. I want them to feel the pain of a suckout. I want them to know what it feels like to have a total idiot make a ridiculous play and have it rewarded with their stack. It's like a defence mechanism. They hurt me and exposed my failure. So I want to protect myself by hurting them or removing them.
And that's why I suck at poker. My desire for revenge overrides my decisions. I hate bullies. I believe skill and hard work should be rewarded in life. But it's not in poker. I think part of me hates poker. I used to think I would never quit poker. But I'm a losing player who is starting to hate the game. Still, I know part of me still loves it too. That's my I'm posting this. I want to be rid of this disease of emotions that has destroyed my poker. I want to be able to sit down for an hour and enjoy poker again. I want to be a better player.
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