Why I Suck At Poker

 photo shikyaku: FRESH START ! I deleted my entire database on March 15th. I know that Jared Tendler advises against this, but I need a fresh start. I need to beat my TILT problem and I'm looking to do it on this site.
Exploring the causes of my failure in poker.

I've posted about my TILT issues before, and I've tried to address them but without any significant success. In fact, I feel I have gotten much worse as a player because of my failure to improve this issue. In truth, my game is at an all-time low. I can't even play poker for 30 minutes without ending up in a seething rage when something inevitably goes wrong. I keep losing. And losing. And losing. 

I want to explore what makes me so bad at poker. I want to heaar your thoughts.

I always start a session with great intentions. I'm going to remain calm, I tell myself. Play without emotion, just make the correct decisions and the money will come. But then a beat comes and BANG, poker rage. And then I am consumed by aggression against anyone who plays back at me, or has beaten me. When I come out of this haze, I'm usually down somewhere between 3 and 15  buy ins.

I believe that I have major insecurities as a person and that this manifests itself in my poker. You see, when another player picks on me, or when he sucks out on me, I HATE that player. I completely focus on him. I could be playing on 9 tables and making dozens of decisions per minute. But I will be focussed on the players that 'wronged me'. I want to hurt them like they hurt me. I'll call their raise w 92o simply hoping to hit an A92 flop and hope they have AK. I want them to feel the pain of a suckout. I want them to know what it feels like to have a total idiot make a ridiculous play and have it rewarded with their stack. It's like a defence mechanism. They hurt me and exposed my failure. So I want to protect myself by hurting them or removing them.

And that's why I suck at poker. My desire for revenge overrides my decisions. I hate bullies. I believe skill and hard work should be rewarded in life. But it's not in poker. I think part of me hates poker. I used to think I would never quit poker. But I'm a losing player who is starting to hate the game. Still, I know part of me still loves it too. That's my I'm posting this. I want to be rid of this disease of emotions that has destroyed my poker. I want to be able to sit down for an hour and enjoy poker again. I want to be a better player.

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