Late Night Ramblings
I am going through one of those most dreaded times for a poker player, downswing. I know when it started, but I wonder when it will end. While some days show hope of a brighter ending, it almost feels normal now to end another day in the red. I have questioned myself as a player, like I always do at times like these. Are the games too difficult for me now? Just a few months ago I was feeling at the peak of my game, I could hardly lose. Now I am at the opposite end of that high.
I actually recall around the time it started, I was hungover from Saturday night, grinding the Sunday MTT's, I felt like I had forgotten everything I know about poker. I feel like all the success I had from poker, I got without actually knowing what I was doing. I'd just find myself deep in a tournament from time to time, without having given the tournament much thought, then using my SnG "skills" I would ladder my way up through the pay jumps. But I can't even seem to beat SnG's anymore.
Right now it feels like nothing in life is more important than getting out of make up, and making some profit. I'm broker than I've been in a long time. I think the downswing has put me into a vicious circle of making poor decisions that I might not have made pre-downswing. My mind is at war. Do I tighten up and let the blinds eat me, or play loose and run the risk of losing it right then. Am I trying to hard to force something to happen, that would happen in due time if I was patient.
Friday night and I spent it on my own, like almost every other night. My boyfriend said he would come round but people always let you down when you rely on them. The one thing I look forward to away from the tables for the weekend. I get drunk with friends sometimes at the weekends, which is good for winding down from a crappy week on poker. But when I'm stuck in on my own on a Friday night after my boyfriend didn't turn up, it's fucking pretty grim.
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